I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
