her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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