Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
