It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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