I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize