More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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