And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
