Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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