She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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