We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
