I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize