I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
