With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
