I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize