Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
