Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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