so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
