did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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