i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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