She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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