That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
