4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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