I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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