if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
