I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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