i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
