Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
