I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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