My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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