Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize