i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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