when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
