I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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