How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize