oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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