How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
