I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
