I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
