is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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