Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
