I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
