its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
