I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
