Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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