this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
