Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
