I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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