Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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