dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
