3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
