An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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