Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
