Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
