All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
