she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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