so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
