Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
