The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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