Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I love having hate sex.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
