Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize