bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
organizing the empties. That sober.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
