Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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