YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She needs sedatives and a leash
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
