I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize