Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
