i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
