Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This house was built for laser tag.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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