4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize