i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
